If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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