I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm at about main and main street
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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