i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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