Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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