God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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