Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize