STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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