OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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