cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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