Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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