Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think my fart just growled at me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize