Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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