Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize