When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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