Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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