she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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