we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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