apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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