He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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