Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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