farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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