So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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