I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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