YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
