we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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