My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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