Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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