Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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