Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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