Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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