Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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