i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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