chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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