True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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