to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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