sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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