my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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