He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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