Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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