Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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