does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize