I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
