Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
