she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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