FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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