We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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