Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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