Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize