and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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