I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
are you so shy because you have an std?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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