when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're making bets on your personal life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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